The one I left behind

I feel like I have been here so many times before. I'm 45 years old and don't even know who I am. How could have I gone this many years not paying attention to the "fragile one" who dwells within me? I must have heard her screaming. How could I keep ignoring and pushing away the child inside who was only seeking love and protection? I guess I had to disown her early on when she became sad and withdrawn. There was always some pitiful story that she had to tell. I just got so sick of all the miserable and pathetic memories. Did I recreate this persona only to adapt to the new world that I found myself in? Why couldn't they accept me the way I was? Why couldn't I accept myself? In the wake of this apparently necessary transformation I had abandoned that little girl. I left her and wished she wasn't there to feel the pain of rejection any longer. In her place I recreated one who thought she had to be strong and confident. Everyone likes to be around someone who knows what they are doing and has their act together. How could I be so cunning to change as the chameleon does? Although I felt I was protecting that tender child, I now see that I left her like everyone else I was trying to protect her from. It seems as if she is still there; only very shy and insecure. How can I get her to trust me again? I just want to tell her that she is so very loved, and that I am terribly sorry for leaving her behind.